I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
