If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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