We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
