imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
