just come out here and I will go home with you...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
