The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
