Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
