margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
