I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
