For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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