If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
