I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
