This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
