i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
