I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
