They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
