Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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