So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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