You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
