Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
