Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
