Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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