Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
