We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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