I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
