The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
