What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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