There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
