What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
