awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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