Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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