Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
