People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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