I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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