Don't make out with my wife yet
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
