I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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