my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Randomize
