Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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