Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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