I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
