Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
