I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
