you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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