hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
