i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
