Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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