he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
