Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
