I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
