I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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