You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
