Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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