Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
