Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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