marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
